The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
