I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
