scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
