I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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