Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
and she was petting her beer can
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
