i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
