all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
