phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
