hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
