Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
