There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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