Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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