the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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