a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
