It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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