Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
