Swine flu. Run for my life!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
