that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
