then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
