Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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