and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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