i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
