Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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