is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
