$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i think my cat just said my name.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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