google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
