I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
