Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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