I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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