she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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