My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
