Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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