Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
