Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
