i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
