My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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