I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
