this boner is exhausting
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
