He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
