Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
