Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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