My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
