my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
