The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
