I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
