Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
