You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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