You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
