I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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