Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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