All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
