Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
